


Leaving on a Fast Train

by PhoenixDragon



Series: My Baby Wrote Me a Letter [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: AU, M/M, Romance, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-26
Updated: 2010-11-26
Packaged: 2017-10-13 09:56:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/135986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixDragon/pseuds/PhoenixDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>He'd half hoped Jay had forgotten his promise; had relegated it to the shelf of 'never gonna happen' within his brilliant, if slightly crazy, mind. But then, he wouldn't be the Jared Jensen loved if he had done that.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Leaving on a Fast Train

He still wasn't prepared.

He had known for years that this was Jared's dream, his lifetime goal, the promise he'd made to his dying father fulfilled; but it didn't make it any easier to take. They had just settled in here, this new-old place they now called home. They had just made a life for themselves, only recently having realized their respective dreams-come-true were only possible if they had each other.

They had always known in a way, it was inevitable since childhood. But they had been too stubborn to give into what they knew would be forever. Pride and old conflicts of the heart standing in their way, again and again, until they were practically forced to face their fears, their hopes and ultimately, their love for one another. It had been a long road, it had been a hard road - but they had agreed that in the end, all of their troubles and trials were worth it. So long as they had each other to turn to. It had only been a year since they had finally admitted it to themselves; less than that since they had found this place. A rickety, comfortable old country homestead, where Jay could sculpt his breathtaking masterpieces; where Jensen himself could write to his heart's content, surrounded by beauty and idyllic peace.

He'd half hoped Jay had forgotten his promise; had relegated it to the shelf of 'never gonna happen' within his brilliant, if slightly crazy, mind. But then, he wouldn't be the Jared Jensen loved if he had done that. So he nodded his acceptance, trying to swallow around the lump of panic and fear in his throat.

"When?" Jensen winced at the hoarse, desperate sound of his own voice, hoping Jared wouldn't notice.

But Jared knew - he always did. Even if he didn't hear or see it, he always knew when Jensen was less than in control and he kept his back turned, giving him time to compose himself. But Jensen didn't _want_ time to compose himself, sure that there was never enough time in the world for that to happen in.

"When are you -"

"Four days from now," Jared blurted, letting the water run in the sink unheeded, eyes distant as he glanced from the half-washed plate in his hand to the endless grey of the overcast morning sky. "I ship out in four days."

"Four." Jensen breathed, notes from his latest novel crushed in one sweaty fist, smearing the ink into unrecognisable blobs across the crumpled pages. He would notice the ruin later, much later - but he wouldn't care as he relegated the work to the 'fireplace' file. The inspiration forever tainted, forever erased by this moment of time. He breathed through the panic, trying to wrestle his wild imagination back under wraps as his head dreamed up untold horrors, dredged up fears and doubts he had never known to exist within his own heart. It was only for a year or two, that was all - after that, they had their whole lives to make up for it.

He pulled himself back together, the blur of tears blinked away as rapidly as they had started. He was determined to be brave, to be the man that Jared had fallen in love with, instead of the gibbering screaming mess he knew he actually was.

"Okay," Jensen nodded, relieved when his voice actually sounded steadier than he felt. "Okay...I guess I'd better help you get packed."

"I'm sorry," Jared rasped, voice muffled by the pound of water in the stainless-steel sink. "I'm so sorry I -"

"Don't." Jensen rapped out, sounding harsher than he intended. It had been two years since Jared applied, and it was just bad timing that he had gotten accepted now; when they were just getting into being settled and at ease with each other (again). "Never apologise for your dreams, Jay - and never feel bad for making promises you intend to keep."

He didn't realise he was standing up until he was fully on his feet; notes fluttering to the floor in a tangled mess of creased and torn pages, forgotten for now, as he took the three steps across the hardwood floors to stand behind his lover and best friend. He was unsure of what he was going to do until he had his arms wrapped around Jared's chest, hoping he'd feel the strength of Jensen's love for him through the possessive grip he had around his torso. Jensen leaned his head against Jared's shoulder, seeking out what held Jared's interest in the stormy sky outside, as he rubbed soothing circles across his lover's abdomen.

"Never apologise for being who you are, love. Not to me." He whispered, tightening his hold on Jared as he felt the tremors start from the middle of Jared's chest, spreading like fire across his whole frame, tension and fear and relief released in one shuddering breath. He held on as Jared wept for his father, for the uncertainty that lay ahead - his sobs drowned out by the sluicing of water and Jensen's soft murmurs against the back of his neck.

  


  
**~0~0~0~**   


  
The next two days were hectic - phone calls made to friends and distant family members, lists made and shopped for, laundry and cleaning crammed in on top of financial arrangements, and hasty calls to various billing agencies to shut down accounts that Jared wouldn't need for the next year or so.

There was literally no time to breathe, much less talk. The first two nights were late ones, with the both of them falling into an exhausted, restless sleep, tangled in each other only to rise again in the wee hours to start all over again.

Jensen was bone-tired, still reeling from the nearing reality of Jared missing from their space, their home together, as though he never existed. And not just for a few days...but for a year or two - maybe more. Whereas Jared would fall into a deep, almost restless sleep those first two nights, it took Jensen a little longer. Panic clutched at him as he held his lover, breathing in the smell of his skin, his hair; feeling the warm weight of his sleeping limbs and thanking God that he had found him.

Now he was going to lose him again.

He was being realistic, even if slightly morbid. There were too many deaths, too many casualties for them to keep shunting Jared aside. Brilliant sculptures or no, famous or no - they really had no choice. And the very fact that they were so choiceless, really made Jared's chances of making it out in one piece very slim, in the end.

But Jensen couldn't fight him on this.

He could beg him not to go. He could make him stay - and lose him in a completely different way. For the first time in a long time, Jensen wished he could curse Jared for pushing, pushing, pushing and making him fall in love with him all over again. If he had carried on, resenting Jared and his feelings for him, hating the sight of Jared's face because it scared him - he wouldn't be in this position now.

But how do you wish away the best thing you ever had?

So he held him,, and loved him and was afraid, until weariness dragged him under only for the rising sun to haul him out again.

The last day together was better, but not by much. They still got up early and rushed around tying up last minute loose ends, but by the time one o'clock hit, everything was done that could be done and they had time to be with each other.

Except for the small fact that they had friends that they had foolishly (the day before) invited over for dinner, so they could say their goodbyes properly.

They took advantage of the few hours they had left though, falling into their bed in a frenzied heap of arms and legs, kisses desperate and messy as they tried to cram two years worth of love into just a few hours.

Within a short time, the snarling clash of teeth, tongues, clawing fingers and rough rutting, turned into tender kisses and long slow strokes against one another. The perfect slide of skin on skin keeping them on the edge, need and lust surging just under the surface of their lovemaking; the quiet murmurs and low moans echoing like hollow ghosts in the sunny closeness of their bedroom.

It was nearly five thirty when they reluctantly broke apart, spent and exhausted - but in a good way - flesh aching, and that heavy warm feeling of euphoria leaving them unable to do anything but lie against one another, tangled in the rumpled sheets of their bed. Jensen settled against Jared's side, tucking himself into the angles of his lover's body, marveling at the way they fit together so easily; like puzzle pieces sliding into place.

He planted a lazy kiss against Jared's chest, content to drowse for a few minutes, soaking up everything he would be deprived of for the next year, his heart aching at the thought of being alone in this rambling house. It might be easier for Jared, who would be in a different state, a different bed altogether - maybe not by much, but Jensen hoped it would be easier. He couldn't stand the thought of them both being miserable - a hole in their lives where the other should be. He could only wish that Jared would be too busy (and too excited at being accepted and trained by the Corps) to feel the loneliness that Jensen could already sense lying in wait for him.

It was going to be hard without Jared's loud and messy presence. He'd never thought in a million years he'd feel this way, that he would dread solitude as much as he was - but being with Jared changed a lot of things. Being with Jared had changed _him_.

And if he spent too much longer contemplating what was ahead, he'd miss what he had now. And Jared would know something was wrong.

"All you have to do is say the word, Jen."

Too late.

"Jared, I -"

"I mean that," _you know I do_. "All you have to do is ask." Jared's voice was soft, almost as delicate and thin as a spider's web - a barely there breath against Jensen's hair.

Jensen moved closer, gripping his lover tight as he weighed what Jared said; the rumble of the other man's voice settling into Jensen's bones, making him feel wide awake and dead tired all at once. He nodded against Jared's shoulder, unconsciously running soothing fingers along Jared's side, tracing delicate patterns along the other man's ribs.

"I know," he whispered, tilting his head to place a soft kiss on Jared's jaw. "But you know I won't."

They left the reasons (many, varied and deep) unspoken, falling into a sleepy doze until a glance at the clock had them rushing for hasty showers and clothing. Jensen (who managed to snag the shower first) was still barely dressed when the door-bell rang, followed by insistent pounding.

Chad and Misha had arrived for dinner.

  


  
**~0~0~0~**   


  
It was a good get together, filled with laughter and fantastic food - something that neither Jensen or Jared had really had time for over the last few months. Now that they were celebrating Jared's good fortune and wishing him luck while he was away, Jensen half wished they had stopped to make time for dinners like this more often. It was nice to have their friends in their new home, making it feel even more like a home should feel. He made a vow to himself to make sure that he and Jared had their best friends over more often when he got back. Jared going away gave him a whole new appreciation for their friends, and how much they meant to them both. Life was too short to let good moments pass them by - no matter how busy they were. He only hoped Jared would agree.

There were only one or two snags the whole evening and that was when he had a verbal scuffle with Chad early in the celebration - and when Misha cornered him with questions not too long after. But he waved both incidents off and put them out of his head. They were just as twitchy and nervous as he was, after all - there were bound to be a few flared tempers at a going away party like this.

Jared was a big part of Misha and Chad's lives too, it was to be expected that they'd be a little upset. He wasn't firing on all cylinders himself at the moment - he just hoped Chad and Misha let it go as easily as he had. He didn't want things to be tense between them all while Jared was away - he had a feeling he'd need his friends more than ever over the next year. Jared filled a big part of his life, made their home more like _home_. It was going to be rough enough with him gone, he kind of hoped that Misha and Chad would be willing to spend time with him, and help alleviate some of the loneliness.

All in all (with the exception of those few minutes of tension) the party went well. After dinner was over, they moved from the dining room into the den; topics of conversation warming from the run of the mill weather and business updates, to sports, to anecdotes from the past. The next few hours flew by too quickly, for anyone's liking, but Chad and Misha knew that they had to be up early. They bowed out earlier than they normally would have, taking their leave half past eleven so they could 'get some sleep'. That last was said in a fussy no-nonsense manner by Misha, but Chad leered at Jared from behind Collins, tipping him a knowing wink while Jensen sputtered in response, face flushed pink from the implications.

Hugs were exchanged all around, requests for contact made, and more fussing from Misha before the two of them shuffled out the door. Chad had even pulled Jensen into a hug, and threatened him with bodily harm if he didn't pick up the phone now and again and ' _give a dude a shout_ '. Jensen agreed, relieved that he would have the two of them to lean on while Jared was away (selfish as that made him feel), and told Chad that he'd keep him up to date, earning a slap on the arm as a sign of approval.

After they had driven off, Jensen cleaned up while Jared put his sparse belongings by the door, the dufflebags looking almost too small to be carrying what would be Jared's life for the next (possibly) two years. They didn't party as hard as they'd had in their teens (and it was a whole different world between the two of them at that time), but it still wasn't a small mess by any means. He had two full garbage bags, and a sink full of dishes that he didn't even want to look at until tomorrow, by the time he called enough and stopped fussing with it; the den as neat as it was going to get for that moment.

It was still a few minutes past midnight when Jensen finally flopped down on the couch, exhausted from three nights of little to no sleep and three days of almost non-stop running. He had a feeling that he'd better enjoy it though - the next couple of years would be long stretches of too much time, and not enough to fill up the minutes, hours and days. So he relaxed into the feeling, trying to not miss the man who was currently fussing with the zipper on the smaller of the bags. He was still here - _now_ \- that was what was important.

"Hey, c'mere," Jensen called softly, pleased when Jared immediately stopped fiddling with the blasted duffle to amble over to the couch.

"What?" Jared asked, pretending to be miffed that Jensen had interrupted him - but the older man knew better. He latched onto Jared's shirt and yanked him down, emitting a small 'oooph' when Padalecki landed practically in his lap, all six feet plus sprawled out along the length of the couch.

"Oh my!" Jared squealed, feigning an affronted innocence. "And _what_ , may I ask, do you think _you're_ doing?"

"As if you didn't know." Jensen leered, waggling his eyebrows as he mock-wrestled Jared against the cushions, pushing his lips out in an exaggerated 'kiss-me' pout as he wriggled up the length of Jared's legs. "Hold still, dear."

"Oh _my_!" Jared squeaked again, trying not to laugh as Jensen wrapped him in a bear hug, one leg slung over both of his as if to hold him down. "I do believe you are trying to have your way with me!"

"No trying about it," Jensen chuckled, making kissy noises near Jared's ear.

"You beast!" Jared huffed, finally laughing as Jensen nipped playfully at his neck. His laughter was cut off by the press of Jensen's lips against his, and they laid out on the couch, kissing contentedly for a few minutes with no worries or distractions to mar the moment. It was with a reluctant groan that Jared broke off the kiss, gasping for air as Jensen worried at his shirt collar with his teeth. The hardness pressing into Jared's leg was telling him where this little make-out session was headed - if he let Jensen continue to do the (oh-so-fucking-awesome) things that he was insisting on - and as much as he hated to stop him, he had a present that couldn't wait until morning.

"Jensen -"

"Mmmph...too far away," was the grumbled complaint followed by more kisses to Jared's jaw.

"Jensen - _Jen_...stop a moment," Jared insisted, wriggling out from under his lover to sit up straight against the couch cushions.

"Awww - _why_? Dammit." Jensen pouted, but relented long enough to sit up straight himself before lunging forward for another kiss. Jared fought him off, laughing as Jensen pouted, giving him a little peck on the cheek for being cute, which only made Jensen look more put out.

"I've got something to show you," Jared said smugly as a way of explanation.

"Well, _I've_ got something to show you, too - but you ain't lettin' me," his lover grumped, though curiosity lit his eyes a brighter green. He smoothed out his shirt and leaned away, hands up as if to show he would behave, that curiosity curling the side of his mouth into a half-grin as if was waiting for Jared to just spill it already. But Jared just bounced to his feet, that shy, dimpled smile that Jensen knew was just for him flitting briefly over his face before he swallowed it back, holding his hand out to help haul the older man to his feet.

"Where're we going?" Jensen asked, half-hoping the answer would be 'to the bedroom'. He was disappointed when Jared just shook his head, smile flashing again for a mere moment before he tugged Jensen after him, the other man helpless to do anything but follow as Jared refused to let go of his hand. Jensen gave in with a mental shrug, knowing that whatever got Jared excited and nervous like this - especially if it was getting in the way of good sex - it had to be awesome. He tried to not be too confused when Jared headed towards the side door, unlocking the small catch, Jensen's hand still swallowed firmly by Jared's grip on it.

He trailed along, having to speed up a bit as Jared's strides lengthened, following him down the deck steps towards...Jared's studio? - curiosity practically ate away at him as Jared whipped out his keys, letting go of Jensen long enough to sort through the metallic mess in search of the right one. It took a few moments, but Jared finally located it, grumbling to himself about installing sensor-lights above the door which made Jensen grin anew. He'd been bugging Jared about doing that since they had moved in, but Jared had refused to do it, afraid to ruin the 'aesthetics' of the structure - like it would make a difference in his work.

Jared unlocked the studio door, and leaned in to turn on the interior lights while Jensen politely hung back, waiting for Jared's invite into his inner sanctum. Jared hardly allowed anyone in there while he was working on a new piece, and Jensen had never questioned the behavior. He knew all too well what a private, special space that was 'your own' to work in was worth, his mind fleetingly going to his attic-office inside the house, and the peace he felt while writing in there.

Not too long after Jared had disappeared over the threshold, Jensen heard his name being called, his lover sounding worried, excited and subdued all at once. It was an odd combination coming from Jared, and enough to make Jensen's curiosity come back with full force. He had no idea why Jared would ever sound like that about his work, some of the best out there, even to Jensen's untrained eye.

He had only been in the loft once, so his curiosity was two-fold as he stepped inside the door. The last time he had been in here it was to help wire the building for lights, so it had been well over a year since he had seen the inside of Jared's studio. From what he could see, it hadn't changed much, but it had little touches here and there that just screamed 'Jared Padalecki works here'. From the photo of the two of them at the beach, to the organised cleanliness about the place, the only sign that a sculptor half-lived here being the spatters of clay and crumbles of rock that littered Jared's work area. The other half of the loft held sketches of works in progress and photos of the same, with more sketches thrown haphazardly about the room, indicating they were Jared's 'think' pieces. There was a small coffee maker on the counter near the sink as they came in, and Jared's smocks hung neatly by the doorway; the dirtiest of them tossed into a basket by the counter for washing.

And absolutely everywhere there were shrouded works, tarps big and small thrown over pieces of proportional size, hiding slowly developing arts from prying eyes. There were only a handful all told, but the sight of those few made Jensen jitter in his skin from sheer curiosity and excitement, sure that whatever Jared had to show him lay beneath one of those tarps.

He was rewarded a moment later as Jared motioned him closer to one of the smaller pieces; his lover ducking his head as if embarrassed, though that shy grin had resurfaced on his face, dimples winking merrily in his cheeks. Jensen moved to stand beside him, smiling back as Jared reverently lifted the tarp up and away from the sculpture, letting the heavy canvas fall to the floor unheeded as he waited for Jensen's reaction.

Jensen was too frozen with awe, confusion and surprise to respond immediately, so focused was he on the sculpture which was one of Jared's finest in his humble opinion. Though he was still slightly puzzled due to the subject matter -

"You sculpted -"

"Us!" Jared grinned, then looked uncertain, face falling as he scrutinised his own work. "Is it...is it -"

"It's beautiful, Jay." Jensen cut in, wonder coloring his voice and shining in his eyes as he circled the small table the statue rested on. Each detail was lovingly perfected, down to the stray wisps of hair falling across Jared's forehead. "Wow, when did you -"

"For the past six months. I completed it this morning while you were washing the breakfast dishes, I just...I wanted it to be perfect for you. That is - that is if you want it." Jared still looked anxious, unsure if his lover's enthusiasm was just for show or genuinely intended, his eyes scanning his work doubtfully.

Jensen put all of his fears to rest by running gentle, reverent fingers over the tiny working before pulling Jared down into a soul searing kiss.

"I know exactly where this will go..." He whispered, love, fear, joy and sorrow bleeding through the cracks in his voice.

"Where?" Jared rasped back, more than a little overwhelmed by the fierceness of emotion in Jensen's voice.

"Where I can see it every day," Jensen replied, wrapping Jared in a fierce hug even as he gazed raptly at Jared's finest piece of work. "Where it will remind me of you and inspire me as you do every moment."

Jared smiled, eyes overly bright as he took in what Jensen meant, at how deeply he had affected him with this simple statue, this small representation of how much Jensen meant to him - how much Jensen's love meant to him. Jared had never tried to take that love for granted, he soaked up each molecule of that love and poured his own into his work, wanting to have a physical representation for Jensen to hold onto. He couldn't have finished at a better time than now; because now he realised how much Jensen needed him, too - how much Jensen need his love and support. And how Jensen was willing to trust him, and show that love, by letting Jared go do what his father had asked him to.

No, he couldn't have finished this at a better time.

"So you like it then?"

"I love it," Jensen murmured, then proceeded to show him how much.

It wasn't that much longer before they had to move the party for two back inside the house, picking back up in the bedroom what had been half started in Jared's studio; statue gazing on in silent approval from its temporary place of honor on the dresser.

  


  
**~0~0~0~**   


  
It was five o'clock in the morning when Jensen gave up on all attempts to sleep. His head was crammed too full for his body to rest, mind tilting away at everything that could go wrong, everything that they were giving up - even if it was only for a little while. Huffing quietly to himself, he finally disentangled his legs from Jared, easing his left arm free, moving as carefully and quietly as possible so he wouldn't wake him.

He threw on a robe, sashing it loosely as he made his way carefully through the dark bedroom, stopping after only a seconds hesitation to snag the statue on his way out, cradling it close in his arms, though it was made of stone. The barest possibility of damage being done to it left him feeling anxious, so he made sure to keep it held tightly to his chest as he picked his way through the darkness, breathing a sigh of relief as he hit the main hallway.

Moonlight fell in spotty patches across the quiet length of the hall, illuminating his path even if it was with only the weakest of light. It was good enough to make his way to the kitchen, where he got a pot of coffee going, knowing the light doze he had achieved half an hour before was the most sleep he was going to get. He could always take a nap in the afternoon - though it would be hard to get sleep without Jared beside him.

The thought made him panic all over again and he shoved it brutally aside, choosing to focus on the statue he had placed on the kitchen table for safety's sake while he brewed the coffee, ever mindful of every move he made with it. He pulled out a chair and leaned across the edge of the table, propping his chin on his fists as he took in every loving detail of the sculpture, awed at the sheer artistry of the piece. Some other, unnameable emotion, was brimming just below the surface of his heart, leaving him joyous but afraid as he lost himself in the perfect wonder of the artwork.

He was so entranced by the statue he almost missed the soft beep that told him the coffee was ready. He shook himself away from staring at Jared's masterpiece long enough to pour a cup of fresh java, hesitating for only a moment before he snagged the sculpture close again. There was only one way he was going to get any sleep tonight, he knew - he had to place Jared's gift where it belonged. With that idea firmly in mind, he made his way back up the main staircase to the moonlit hall, padding quietly across the short distance to the attic stairs, where his own workroom was located - just a few feet away from where Jared was sleeping peacefully.

He crept carefully to his desk - ever aware that Jared was still, for all that he knew, dozing just underneath his feet - stepping warily around any floorboards that might creak, statue tucked firmly under one arm. He had already picked out the spot the miniature masterpiece would permanently call home. A place where it would be safe and where he could look at it whenever he missed him, whenever he needed inspiration and a reminder that someone out there loved him back. He set his coffee down in its customary spot and cleared the mantle above his desk, hardly daring to breathe until he had it placed just right, Jared's expressive eyes (animated even in the immobile surface of stone) gazing at him with fond assurance from his perch above the rolltop.

He knew he was luckier than most out there in the world. He had a job that paid him well and made him happy (even if slightly frustrated at times), he had a wonderful home, a rather easy life (except where work would interfere), and he was madly in love with a gorgeous, talented man that loved him back with every fiber of his being. He knew people would kill to be in his position - and maybe a few had, who knew? But it was times like these when he wondered if the risk was worth it; if giving his heart to someone else was worth the pain of potential loss. He hoped that Jared's beautiful handiwork would remind him (would keep reminding him), that it was always worth it.

It was something he knew in his heart, but his damnable head would always get in the way and try to convince him otherwise - fear and an overworked imagination as often his enemy as his friend. This was going to be a hard and lonely time - most likely the hardest and loneliest he'd ever had to live through - and he was a natural loner by nature. But he'd had a good dose of what it was like to not be so alone, to be the center of someone else's universe, and he found he liked it more than he was willing to admit. What good was this home, this job, this easy life if the one he shared it with was so far away? He had tasted love, tasted completeness with another being and he was left craving it continually, even as it was quenched by the constant flow of that love.

He had no idea how he was going to make it over the next year, or two. How he would battle through the fear, the loneliness, the emptiness of this house that was their home, but for Jared he was willing to try. He didn't know how to thank Jared for this gift of his love that left him afraid even as it filled him up. He didn't know how to express what he felt for him, not _properly_ anyhow - not the way most people did. When it came to words, when it came to thoughts and feelings, there was only one way he had ever been able to make those thoughts, those feelings flow. There was only one way to bring forth the ideas and wonder in words that could be easily understood and accepted by everyone.

He pondered the statue for a few minutes more, lost in the eyes of the man he loved as he gazed in cool serenity from his place of honor on the mantel-piece; forever holding his own stone Jensen in a tender embrace. His look was that of a man content; of a man more than willing to keep the love of another safe within his unbreakable hold, until time wore them both away. Jensen gazed back, his heart aching with love returned, and in that moment he knew the gift he could give back to his lover; to the man who had made his life richer just by being in it. It wouldn't be as permanent as Jared's physical declaration of his love for him, but hopefully, if Jared had it, he could hold it in his heart (as the stone Jared held his Jensen in his arms, eternity at his feet), even when the memento itself was long tattered and yellow with age.

With that thought in mind, Jensen picked up his pen and began to write.

  


  
**~0~0~0~**   


  
Dawn had long come and gone by the time Jared was ready to leave, even if (in so many ways) he wasn't really _ready_.

He would miss his home, his work, the life they had created here. But he knew he would miss Jensen most of all, his life so defined by the man, he wondered how they had ever lived apart. But even the awareness of how much he would miss everything here, how much he would miss Jensen, didn't stop the surge of excitement, or adrenaline at the call of the open road. All those adventures that lay just ahead of him, waiting for him to find them.

There were a lot of advantages to signing up, even if it took him away from the familiar - but maybe because it _did_ take him away from the familiar. He occasionally needed a shake-up in his routine, something to drive him, to _inspire_ him. Most people wouldn't think of finding inspiration in the armed services, but Jared was the first to admit that he wasn't most people.

It was scary, yes - it was dangerous as well - but he needed to do this for himself. He needed to do this for his father, and that long ago promise he had made to the man as he lay dying. He needed to do it as a man who loved his country, a man who was born into a family that had been serving since they had first arrived in this land they called home. He was so grateful that Jensen understood this, that he was willing to let him go - because if anyone could make him stay, it was Jensen Ross Ackles.

It was because of this (or maybe it was in spite of it, he wasn't really sure which) he left without waking him, not sure he could handle Jensen bearing up under his panic and fear to see him off on those adventures, no matter how thrilling and inspiring they may be. He could see Jensen's trepidation, his worry even as he tried to hide it under offhand jokes, sunny smiles, warm whispers and deep kisses - and that, if anything, would keep him from going. Even if Jensen never asked in so many words, his fear alone would ask for him. So for both of their sakes, Jared felt it best to let it lie. To let their goodbyes be the wonderful memories they had made last night, in the very bed he was leaving Jensen in.

It was a last minute decision, one that he may or may not regret, and only time would show. To ease his heart he left Jensen a note on his pillow, fighting the urge to curl up next him and hold him close for a few minutes more. He appeased some of that maddening urge with a soft kiss to Jensen's temple, pausing only long enough to run his fingers along Jensen's jaw before placing another kiss at the corner of Jensen's mouth. He smiled fondly, a little pleased when Jensen mumbled something in his general direction before falling into a deeper sleep, body relaxing as he burrowed further under the covers.

His last visual memory of Jensen (one that would sustain him through the ups and downs of the coming months), was of his lover slumbering peacefully beneath the messy fall of blankets; lean limbs sprawled across the bed, face almost angelic in the bleeding light of dawn. It was a good memory, a sweet one - and he knew even then that it would keep him going long into the next year.

A few minutes later he locked the house up for the last time in a long time, waving at the taxi-driver as he pulled up. Everything he would own for the next year or so stowed easily into the back of the car's trunk. It would be another few days before he could get around to reading the book he had stashed in his duffle (one of Jensen's best-sellers), and it would be then that he would find the envelope tucked inside. A special present (a brightly colored bag of Skittles) underneath the hardback's resting place.

Curious, pleased and half afraid he tore open the bag of Skittles, popping a few in his mouth for courage as he opened the note; Jensen's tiny copperplate scrawl making him feel homesick like he never had before, even as the sight comforted him. It was almost like Jensen was there with him and he imagined his voice as he read the letter, knowing that Jensen often said what was in his heart best on paper; insecurity and shyness stopping him from truly speaking his mind. But in so many ways, he knew Jensen was speaking to him - the candy, the envelope (faintly scented with Jensen's cologne), and the worryingly neat (though warm) handwriting telling him everything that Jensen's mouth could not.

He held onto his piece of home, half a continent away from where his heart truly lived, and wrapped himself in the love it represented; smile lighting his expressive face, as everything he held dear in the world waved to him across the long miles. As long as he had this, as long as he could still depend on Jensen, he was never far away from home.

Less than a week later, he sent a letter of his own. It didn't have the eloquence of Jensen's, but he hoped his lover would understand what he was trying to say. Inside the hastily sealed envelope was a picture taken by some of his new friends, the base phone number scrawled on a piece of scrap paper, and wrapped oh so carefully around the letter itself -

Was an empty package of Skittles candy...  


  
**To Be Continued...**   


**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Written for and beta'd by those ever lovely and sweet ladies and . Any screw-ups you see are mine and mine alone, loves. This is dedicated to my long-suffering hubby, all my awesome f-listies and of course the ever patient and darling (who didn't kick my ass when I was beyond late with her fiction!). That said, I hope you very much enjoy!!  
> A/N2: I _KNOW_! MANDY WROTE SCHMOOP! *Checks Doomsday Omens* Yup. Apocalypse is Nigh, Folks!  
>  >Disclaimer: Not mine, nope! All the wishing and pleading with the PTB have not changed this. These guys belong to themselves and all this herein is just sheer fantasy and fun - no harm meant! So please no sue - just having playing around here!
> 
> Links to Art can be found at the [Main Post](http://a-phoenixdragon.livejournal.com/470768.html) at LJ! Hope you enjoy! And thank you for reading!


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